In 2006 I first experienced what it was to have a vision and perspective of my own.
I was studying, my parents were living abroad, my brother was rarely home, I had means and friends. Younger I has been diagnosed with gastritis and was given a list of food to avoid and another list of pills to take, 6 in total, some for gas, some for reflux, some to digest better and another to protect the inner walls of my stomach. Up until that year I had been working in a big corporation, I worked overtime, like everybody else, but it was taking a toll in my body, my metabolism accelerated and I lost 15 pounds of an already small frame.
Soon enough, and against my father’s wishes I quit my job and focused of finishing school and taking care of my body.
I gave up the pills and started cooking everything for myself. All I ate I made from raw. Taking care on how I was cutting the vegetables, how was I mixing the ingredients, the thoughts I was having, the intentions, how I moved the wooden spoon and how was this matter being transformed by fire. I ate seated, no TV, taking everything in, focusing my attention on nurturing. I learned to make bread and felt working the dough was interacting with living things. I tried, in sum, to focus my attention on everything I had been doing in routine.
December that year I was thriving! I felt alive. That month a group of friends left for a 10 day trip to a town called ‘El Pauji’ on the verge of the Guayaness Tepuy were the rock breaks and the Amazonian forest is displayed like a carpet of broccoli under our feet. Hours before leaving for that trip I wrote:
The Sun is going down and I have the feeling this is the last time I’ll look at a sunset the way i’m seeing this now. In one way or another I’m saying goodbye to myself. Who knows how will I come back, how will I change and how will I look upon this same sunsets. My excitement has been growing and I can-t almost believe how it this trip itches in my chest, breasts and throat.
I came back a different woman. Up until this day I refer to that time as “the time I lived at ‘El Pauji’” and it was only 10 Gregorian days! Living there I felt elevated from all unnecessary and transitory until fully understanding all I needed was water, earth, wind and fire. People around me were all my family and no one judged or impose on others. It was bliss. Leaving town there Is a sign that reads “save us in your heart, keep the magic alive” There I had my first vision of the daughter I was going to have.
In my teen years I had been quite promiscuous, I always thought that I was expected to give myself to men, ever since that trip I took full awareness of my body: my temple and took and take much care in who I let in. I do not wall myself but do organize in circles, inner and outer. I protect myself, my spirit and light. I love to visualize a cocoon inside lies a candle light. I figure if I keep my light safeguarded from everything that is outside, I can turn my sight inward if outside darkness reigns. I have faith, I believe.